Hello hello, and welcome to Episode 32 of Life On the Brink!
How is your summer coming along? Very well, I hope. Where I live, the Virginia heat is in full force, but this week my garden welcomed the first sunflower bloom and I have been on many summertime adventures, many of which were impossible last year.
I think summer is a perfect time to talk about something that I have seen a lot in the past several months, and has become somewhat of an online mantra. This is the idea most often called, “romanticizing your life,” or sometimes referred to as “being the main character.” It suggests that you view your own life as if it were a movie, romanticizing mostly the small, seemingly insignificant things. In trying to understand this phenomenon, I’ve seen lots of different content online, some of it appearing rather contradictory in my eyes, and I thought I would talk a little bit about it today. I’ll also be sharing a few ways that I’ve incorporated this thinking into my own daily routines.
Romanticizing your life, in its true essence, encourages us to enjoy our everyday lives, which is right in line with the priorities we all have here at Life On the Brink.
What’s in my teacup? This Mystic Dragon green tea. It’s a new one for me and it’s wonderful.
“You have to start romanticizing your life. You have to start thinking of
yourself as the main character. Because if you don’t, life will continue to
pass you by. And all the little things that make it so beautiful, will continue
to go unnoticed. So take a second, and look around, and realize that it’s
a blessing for you to be here right now”
-Ashley Ward (Tiktok)
I don’t know about you, but when I hear the term “main character,” I immediately think of the scene in The Holiday when Arthur Abbott look at Iris, one of our protagonists, and says to her:
“Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend.”
This kind of thinking, along with lots of movie suggestions, allows Iris to take control of her life after a 5-year, on-and-off relationship with a man who didn’t really love or respect her. I have always loved this quote because it makes me feel so hopeful about my own life, my own story.
Another character that comes to mind is Marianne Dashwood from Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility. She’s the “Sensibility” in the story, and often romanticizes other people and situations around her, whether good or bad. She has a lot of growing to do throughout the story, but I always loved her character (even though I’m clearly an Elinor) for being so present and full of life.
The idea of romanticizing your life, though, has come to mean different things throughout the internet, and has come under some criticism. At times, the images that accompany this idea are of filtered and edited scenes, or are representing a beautiful, often unattainable, aesthetic. In the same way, someone who “thinks they’re the main character” can be portrayed as someone who is obsessed with only themselves and desperately wants to appear different from those around them. This leaves no room for the mundane, the simple moments of the everyday. What happens when your life doesn’t fit into what you see in the movies?
The conflict within this idea, I believe, comes when people try to fit or fashion their life to fit the mold of pre-existing films or aesthetics. It implies that the “normal” things that are a part of your daily life are not significant enough to “be captured on screen” or to fit into your own story, when this, I think, is quite the opposite of what it means to romanticize your life.
Rather than making your life imitate art, why not let your life appear as art in your own eyes. Allow me to give an example:
This is the second year that I have a true outdoor garden, and sometimes taking care of it can feel like a chore. I have to water it in the morning with a 2 gallon watering can and make sure it’s pruned and doing well. From one perspective, I’m doing boring yard work in the heat. But then, if I stop to think about it, dare I say “romanticize” it, I remember that all winter long I dreamed of having a garden. I have fresh flowers and herbs right outside my door and am learning more every year on how to grow my own food. I don’t have to bundle up to brave the winter cold, I can just take my time. Sometimes it’s helpful to take a look at your life from an “outside” perspective to see it as beautiful, because a seemingly simple, mundane moment can also be a dream come true.
It’s all a matter of perspective, and I think romanticizing your own life can be a beautiful practice, provided that you remain in the role of the viewer. The trouble comes when we start to wonder what it looks like to others, what it will photograph like, whether it will get enough likes. If you’re the protagonist of your own life, let yourself also be the director, the composer, and also the viewer in the theater with the popcorn. You're the only one who needs to watch it.
So, when something exciting happens, enjoy it! When you have a quiet day at home, enjoy that too! When you have a bad day, or a tough season, realize that it’s part of your story. I’m not saying to romanticize tragedy in order to be “different,” that would again be trying to fit your life into a preexisting story, but rather to accept it and know that tomorrow will be better. You can’t necessarily change the plot of your story, but you can change the perspective.
I think it’s also important to remember that you are multi-faceted, so it makes sense that your story wouldn’t fit into a single genre. And even at the theater, no one likes a one-dimensional hero, it simply isn’t authentic. So in your own life, why not let yourself, the protagonist, be 100% authentically yourself?
Now I know some of you might be thinking, “Yea, but I don’t have time to make a whole movie of my life.” I know, you’ve got work to do, people to take care of, things to get done. But! You do not need a lot of time to change the way you see your day. Living on auto-pilot never satisfied anyone, so slowing down enough to actually enjoy the things you work so hard for is worth it, and will add more to your life than you might think.
Alrighty, now that we’re all on the same page, I would love to share with you some of the things that I have enjoyed integrating into my routine and day-to-day life. They’re just little ways I show myself that I’m worth the time, that my life is a story worth telling. They help to change my perspective and enjoy the simple moments.
HOW TO ROMANTICIZE YOUR LIFE (a few ideas)
1. Curate a closet that you love. It might seem insignificant, but then when you get ready every day, you’re comfortable and confident in your skin and your clothes, and it feels special.
2. Plate your food. By this I’m suggesting that (maybe not at every meal) you make your meals look beautiful in your preparation. It’s worth like 20% on Chopped because we truly do eat with our eyes first, and you’re worth it.
3. Let your home/office/space reflect you. Living or working or relaxing in a space that truly feels like you is so enjoyable. Oftentimes, too, I find that a clean space does even more to help us unwind and enjoy.
4. Revel in the natural world. Getting outside, whether to exercise or dine al fresco, or simply to sit and enjoy, is so beneficial. It’s never the same, always changing and growing, and is out of our control, so it can always surprise you.
5. Spend moments in silence. There’s so much vying for our attention, so sometimes it takes a bit of intentionality to just focus on one thing. So If you’re looking at a lovely view, or maybe enjoying a cup of tea, take at least a few moments to really let it soak in without any distractions.
6. Spend time away from your phone/social media. One of the easiest ways to start seeing your life as a story worth telling is to stop constantly looking at everyone else’s. That’s not to say we can’t be inspired by others, but you are unique and life is far less likely to pass you by if you’re off your phone, actually living it.
7. Write it down or speak it out. Sometimes just affirming a moment with words can remind yourself that you’re experiencing something beautiful. If you like journaling, why not make a practice of writing down things you’re grateful for or that made you happy? If you’re with someone, why not say out loud what that moment, what their presence, means to you?
8. Find out what you love and make room for it daily. If you have to get up early, you can make room for a cup of coffee and a moment to watch the sunrise. If you work from home, you can make a cute office space in the corner of your home. If you feel better when you exercise or read or pray, why not make a point to do a little every day? Intentionally make time for the small things you love.
Remember, happiness isn’t something you can conjure or create, it is simply experienced moment to moment. Being the main character has nothing to do with who sees you and everything to do with how you see yourself. I hope some of these ideas have provided a little inspiration to help you enjoy your own, unique story. And if you need some more, here are some lovely resources. Enjoy, friends!
(This one has quite an aesthetic to it, but it’s her style and she enjoys it. I say go for it!)
-Lynette Adkins: “how i (realistically) romanticize my life everyday | daily habits that make me the main character”
(Not so aestheticized, also wonderful.)
This Week’s Little Joy: This past weekend on the 4th of July I was celebrating with my family and lots of family friends when, around 9:00, fireworks started going off in the cul-de-sac across the street. We’d heard from neighbors that this particular house puts on quite a show, but WOW we had no idea. Cut to me, 45 minutes later, sitting on the asphalt of said cul-de-sac with my husband and my family as these professional-level HUGE fireworks (watch til the end of the video) were still going! It was incredible (and totally illegal) to be so close to a show like this, but the whole neighborhood was out there, cheering and bringing out sparklers. It was completely magical and I absorbed every minute of it.
What I’m Listening To: This playlist was made by Alice Windisch and is called “you're a hopeless romantic but in the 19th century”(gotta love it). It’s beautiful and simple and perfect for making any moment feel extra special.
Thank you so much for listening, friends! Please feel free to comment below, or to leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts. Better yet, share this with a friend or loved one, and, of course, have a lovely week!
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